Posts

Tangled

Frank went to investigate behind his computer.
He became tangled in the wires.
'Where's Frank?'
Is the sort of question friends might have asked.

Integration

Kevin and Mallory moved out of the city.
Inspected the new village's notice board for things to do in the area.
Opted to join the local swingers club,
Because that's all the village had going on, really.
Mallory took along one of her famous pies.
And got repaid in kind.
Kevin watched on,
Looking pretty glum about the whole event.

Essentials

Randall bought 365 packs of chocolate digestives.
A couple of bags of jelly babies for dessert.
And vanished for another year.

An Italian Funicular

I went up the funicular.
Not just any funicular,
An Italian one.
It seemed mostly like tourists in here,
So I wasn't getting many Italian vibes from it.
I gazed out the window at the Italian scenery.
Imagined the Italians below,
Doing their Italian things.

Week

Ludwig's week had gone quite poorly.
Calamitous might be a good word for it.
He bought an eraser from WHSmith and set about removing those days from his calendar.
At least then no one else would remember what happened there.
Yet another failure.

Additions

Fernando returned with a plant.
This plant found a home beside his bed,
And from then on Fernando would often bring gifts for it.
Like little ornaments to stand in the dirt,
Or possibly a hat if he thought that would be amusing.
His wife looked on enviously.

For Those Who Just Changed Their Bedding

Pillow of pool,
From the sleeper's drool.
Awakes in fright,
Of what occurred overnight.
Sheets fresh and unsoiled,
Now rest spoiled.

This subject is so important to me that I went and learned what a rhyme is.

Pizza?

Back home from a trip to Italy.
I log in to Domino's.
Go all in with the Italian options,
And await my delivery.
Knock, knock goes the door,
And knock once more.
The entrance to my home peeled back,
I squeeze a 'molto bene!' through my frowning lips.
Accept the concoction the driver offers in return,
And stagger forlornly to my bed.

Hotel

The cleaners came in,
Despite no requests for the room to be cleaned.
This was a disaster!
Bertrude began composing an apology,
Noting she would have never left underwear on the floor if she'd have known,
Asking what she could do to make up for what had happened.
She stuck this letter to her hotel door,
And cried herself to sleep.

Gondola

Luigi,
A master of the gondola,
Was furious.
Someone had double parked a non-dola.
The inconvenient canals of Venice,
Becoming even more so.
He rammed into this vile contraption,
Clambered over some tourists,
And boarded the unsightly vessel.
Released the moorings,
And set it free down stream (I think).
As he passed by he shouted incomprehensible abuse into the air (because it was Italian)
And threw in a note informing the owner they'd disgraced their family.

Chips (Fries) - A Tragedy

I doused my chips in vinegar.
I looked at my chips.
I looked at the vinegar.
I couldn't believe this.
This isn't what I wanted.

Burger King

I've ended up in Italy's equivalent of Burger King.
Which is also called Burger King.
I barged in demanding pizza,
And answers as to why everything else closes so early.
In return I was offered a sad little burger,
And regret.

Juliet's House

I stand,
Gelato in hand,
Surrounded by Verona.
A city invented by William Shakespeare.
Here awaits a string of tourists,
To grope the breast of a young girl.
And possibly also pick up a magnet.

A Poem for Venice

There I was,
Standing in Venice,
And you're not going to believe this,
But the canals were falling from the sky.
Like any half decent tourist trundled on.
Even gave looking up,
In an attempt to absorb some of their iconic architecture,
A shot,
Almost drowning in the process.
Eventually I gave up and went to eat some traditional Venetian dumplings,
And checked when the next train out of this puddle was departing.

Pizza

I hauled my luggage through the streets of some Italian city.
Plopped myself down at a table and insisted the guys in the restaurant replace the tablecloth with pizza,
And the placemats with pizza,
And my plate with pizza,
And then put a pizza on that for me to eat.
Finally, things were started to feel authentic

Travelling

I got on one of those planes.
Which, if you're a bit lost,
Is like a bus with wings.
I went about my business.
Largely sitting on a plane for a few hours,
And waiting for some guy to offer me a cup of water.
Eventually I arrived in a new country.

New Ideas

Jeremy started driving on the pavement.
All of the traffic was diving out of his way,
And cheering him on.
He couldn't believe no one else had thought of this.

Printer

Herbie liked talking about his printer.
For over a decade,
Anyone who'd listen,
And even some who wouldn't,
Got to hear about how poorly this thing functioned.

Sewer Smells

Grant's life devolved.
Which is to say he went to live in a sewer.
The smells of this new home were not to his liking.
Candles became an obsession.
Scented ones, vanilla mostly.
All of Grant's money was being bundled into these things.
They did little to resolve the situation.
And cost more than the rent at his previous place, probably.

Looking

I looked up at the sky.
Largely blue.
Some clouds were going about their day.
Barely forming any worthwhile shapes.
Beyond the usual cloudy looking things.
I looked down at my poet's notepad.
And my poet's pen.
Really disappointed with the stuff they were coming out with.